In addition to our quotes, we felt it was only right to share some of the corkers that our loyal cutomers have come out with over the years. We’ve all done it – opened out mouth and blurted something out, to only find out that our brain is still figuring out what to say in the first place. So without further ado, read on (and pray you never add to our wall of shame/fame)…
STAFF – Can I see some ID please?
PUNTER – I don’t have any.
STAFF – I’m sorry but you need to be 18 to be on the premises.
PUNTER – I’ve got my phone but not my sim card?
STAFF – …?
PUNTER – Is this Bannermans?
STAFF – Yes it is.
PUNTER – So what’s it called then?
STAFF – Bannermans.
PUNTER – Do you have any ginger beers that aren’t Strongbow?
STAFF – Erm…
PUNTER – Can I get a head on that Cider please?
PUNTER – Could I have a Corona please?
STAFF – I’m afraid we don’t serve Corona but we do have Brahma or Sol. Would either of those be ok?
PUNTER – No, I’ll just take a Corona.
PUNTER – Two Guiness please.
STAFF – Would you like Extra Cold or Regular Guiness?
PUNTER – No, just the Irish one please.
PUNTER – Do you have any vodka?
STAFF – …?
PUNTER – One Coronaberg.
STAFF – Was that Corona or Kronenberg?
PUNTER – Yes, ONE Coronaberg.
PUNTER – Which lagers do you have?|
STAFF – We’ve got Carling, Miller, 1664 or Stella.
PUNTER – I’ll have a Tennents.
PUNTER – Can I have half a whiskey?
STAFF – What do you mean?
PUNTER – Y’know, half a whiskey.
PUNTER – There’s too much beer in my bottle!
PUNTER – Do you sell ice-cream?
PUNTER – What is a chicken burger?
PUNTER – (Walks into pub) I really need a cigarette, how do I get outside?
PUNTER – Can I have a single whiskey please?
STAFF – Would you like a malt or a blended whiskey?
PUNTER – No, just a single please.
PUNTER – Can I have a John Daniels and coke.
STAFF – We don’t serve John Daniels.
PUNTER – You do if you’ve known him as long as I have. (BOOM BOOM!)
PUNTER – What’s the difference between a large and small glass of wine?
STAFF – 75ml.
PUNTER – So there’s no actual difference in the measure then?
PUNTER – Can I get a double tequila but in two glasses?
STAFF – So two single tequilas then?
PUNTER – ?
PUNTER – Can I get a pint but in two separate glasses?
PUNTER – Can I get a pint of Carling, and what’s an I.P.A.?
STAFF – It’s a real ale.
PUNTER – And one of those then.
(Drinks are poured and taken away, customer returns)
PUNTER – Sorry, but this beers off. It’s warm and flat and tastes funny, but my mates Carling is fine.
STAFF – It’s an ale, it’s supposed to be flat.
PUNTER – So it’s not like a lager then?
PUNTER – Is this a bar all year round?
STAFF – Are you serious?
PUNTER – A glass of wine please.
STAFF – Red or white?
PUNTER – What’s the difference?